Kahwin Masa Belajar

Q1: Madam Mona:
Fenomena kahwin awal sangat viral di media. Boleh madam ceritakan "secara ringkas" tentang persepsi masyarakat terhadap anak muda yang berkahwin awal, zaman dahulu dengan sekarang? (Soalan ni nk ringkas je, tak nak drag)

Q2: Bro Anwar:
Berkahwin umpama mendirikan baitul Muslim, rumah bagi para Muslim. Selaku orang yang berpengalaman, boleh Bro Anwar cerita sedikit detik bertemu isteri. Kalau ada cerita member boleh la share.

Q3: Madam Mona:
Pada pandangan madam, apakah faktor yang perlu dipertimbangkan sebagai seorang pelajar untuk berumah tangga? Cth: dari sudut kewangan, restu ibu bapa, faktor kematangan dll.

Q4: Sis Adilah:
Ada orang kata, kahwin masa belajar ini memberi kesan pada akademik, ada kata sebaliknya. Jadi pandangan sis bagaimana?
Cth: Prof Muhaya, Ustzh Siti Nor Baya, IM Asyraf.

Q5: Madam Mona:
Apakah saranan madam pada pelajar yang bercita-cita untuk berkahwin pada masa terdekat ini?
(sesi harus berakhir dgn madam)

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SSS Kahwin Masa Belajar

Q1: Adakah isu pemuda berkahwin awal menjadi satu kebiasaan? Apakah persepsi masyarakat yang berkahwin awal, berbanding zaman dahulu?

I think the guys should listen more than the ladies because it is the guy who proposed the girl first, right? In my generation, girl do not have much choice, either they do not go to higher education or they do not go to school at all? So it is a cultural norm to be married at very young age, and the women remain as housemakers. It was accepted at that time, but for now, women are given equal opportunity to further their studies. For now, people who do not want to pursue their studies culturally was unacceptable. Parents expect their children to study first, to have financial independent before they settle down. So I think that’s about it.

MOD: Jadi pada zaman dahulu, golongan wanita lebih mudah kahwin awal namun tidak pada hari ni kerana kaum wanita lebih mementingkan pelajaran. Jadi pada hari ni kahwin awal itu menjadi satu isu.

Q2: Selaku orang yang berpengalaman, bolehkah br Anwar menceritakan detik pengenalan dan memilih untuk berumah tangga?

Bagi saya detik pertemuan dengan isteri pertama saya agak romantik. Boleh buat novel. Saya start kenal dengan isteri saya start masuk uia kuantan. Masa first year, saya ditakdirkan dengan dia dalam grup lab. Masa tu saya kenal dia, dia seorang yang pemalu sebab dia pakai purdah. Second sem dia tak pakai purdah atas sebab tertentu. Pada suatu hari tu, saya tak datang lab. Saya terserempak dengan dia dan dia tanya, “Anwar, kenapa awak tak datang lab? Awak sakit ke?” Saya pula jenis yang cepat perasan, kawan-kawan saya pun tak ada yang concern pasal saya. Tiba-tiba saya rasa sakit tu hilang. Lepastu dia jalan, dia rushing tak tahu pergi mana.

Sem kedua pula, masa dia nak pinjam kereta sewa. Masa tu dia mula tak pakai purdah. Dia tegur saya macam dia dah kenal. Saya pun terpinga-pinga, “Siapa dia ni?” Masa tu saya dah start rasa nak berkenalan. Malam tu saya tanya, siapa drive kereta saya? Dia jawab dia. Sebelum tu ada perbualan dengan kawan, tentang ada seorang sister dalam kelas saya yang sebelum ni dia pakai purdah dan sem tu dia dah tak pakai purdah. Masa tu saya dah start nak approach dia. Saya kenal dia sebulan je, saya call ayah dia dan saya prepare atas kertas. Saya call ayah dia, ayah dia tanya sikit je dan dia terus terima. Semua perkara yang saya tulis panjang-panjang atas kertas tu, saya tak cakap pun pada ayah dia. Lepastu saya ambil keputusan untuk merisik. Saya orang Melaka, dia orang Penang jauh.  Tapi dia ada ayah sedara di Melaka, jadi saya datang merisik di rumah ayah sedara dia dalam pertengahan bulan empat, atau hujung bulan tiga. Seminggu sebelum habis final exam, saya pergi meminang dia. Kami letakkan tarikh 6/6 masa second year. Ada kawan yang tak habis exam lagi pun. Kemudian 6/6 tu terpaksa extend lagi seminggu sebab dalam kampung tu tak biasa ada banyak majlis kahwin. Kemudian rasa macam lama sangat extend seminggu tu, jadi extend sehari je. Begitulah detik pertemuan saya. Saya ringkas sangat cepat sangat mudah, insyaAllah.

Sedikit tip bagi lelaki, kalau nak approach tu kena berani. Buat persiapan mental dan fizikal supaya tidak cepat menggelabah dan kita tenang hadapi ujian itu, InsyaAllah. Dan jangan rasa perkahwinan tu sesuatu yang seronok, perkahwinan itu satu ujian yang akan membuatkan kita lebih matang, insyaAllah.

Q3: Apabila ada anak muda ingin berkahwin awal dalam satu kampung, pasti ada mulut-mulut makcik berkata, “Kamu nak bagi anak kamu makan apa? Pasir?” Jadi madam Mona, selaku lecturer parenting yang berpengalaman, apakah persediaan yang perlu dilakukan bagi para pelajar yang ingin berkahwin awal? Dari sudut kewangan, kematangan, dsb.

I didn’t say you should or shouldn’t marrying while studying. In fact, I’ve googled on experts on marrying at young age. They seemed can’t give me a satisfactory answer to it. It depends on you, whether you’re prepared mentally, physically, emotionally and financially, of course! If you’re matured enough to carry the responsibilities, then go and discuss with your parents. And go ahead with your plans. The factors that you must consider before getting married. First and foremost, you must know what is your responsibilities, and your must know what your responsibility is? As a husband later, and your wife also. And you must consider about your education, do you have enough time for studying, or how if you accidentally have child during your studying? Like you need to work during your study something like that. It’s like you do not want to depend on your husband entirely during your study to support you financially because both of you are studying. Alright?

Such Br. Anwar, he was very brave. He collabs with her father and I am sure it is not easy. You cannot sleep, thinking overnight but eventually your script do not work. You’re so lucky because you just talk a little bit and her father was convinced and accept you. Maybe he heard the way your maturity speaks. So these are some of the things that you need to conside before you have big things in your life.

Q4: Kita berminat untuk bertanya kepada Sis Adilah, ibu kepada Aryan. Bagaimanakah kesan selepas belajar terhadap akademik?

Bagi saya, prestasi selepas kahwin meningkat. Bukan meningkat sedikit tetapi meningkat banyak. Dalam kelas lebih fokus. Anwar yang ajar, kena fokus dalam kelas. Bila kahwin, orang kata banyak sangat tanggungjawab sampai tak boleh fokus dalam kelas. Bagi saya semakin banyak tanggungjawablah kita makin fokus dalam kelas. Sebabnya dalam kelas sahajalah waktu mustahak untuk kita belajar, sebab waktu lain dah tak ada masa dah. Sibuk dengan urusan suami, sibuk dengan urusan anak. Jadi dalam kelas sahajalah waktu kena fokus dalam kelas. Kita dapat didik kita tentang kepentingan masa. Kita study sama-sama, satu kelas lagi. Kalau tak faham tanya. Jadi bila dua-dua tak faham kena fokus dalam kelas la. Lelaki perempuan ni lain cara belajar. Kalau saya, kena baca banyak kali, kena renung, baru faham, kalau lelaki dia baca sekali dan fokus dalam kelas. Dia boleh faham dah. Bila belajar sama-sama, jadi markah kita berdua pun lebih kurang sama je. Satu dua markah je dengan dia. Secara tak langsung pun jadi persaingan suami isteri. Saya tak mahu kalah dengan dia, dia tak mahu kalah dengan saya. Siapa pointer lagi tinggi, dapat hadiah. Bergantung pada diri sendiri. Kalau sebelum kahwin malas, selepas kahwin tidak berubah pun sama je. Bergantung pada diri sendiri juga.

OTW nak pergi moto pun, kalau tak faham pun tanya suami. Masa berjalan pun tanya dia. Jadi bagi saya kahwin masa belajar ada banyak perubahan pada akademik.

MOD: Nikah Khitbah. Setuju atau tidak, nikah ini mampu menjaga kita daripada maksiat? Apakah hubungan Br. Anwar sesama member kawan selepas nikah? Boleh cerita sedikit?

Nikah khitbah sesuai untuk orang yang berhubung jarak jauh. Cadangan saya pun begitu juga sebab kita masih belajar. Apabila saya lihat balik financial saya, cadangan saya terus nikah betul daripada nikah khitbah. Saya seorang yang panas baran. Keturunan panas baran. Isteri saya jenis lembut. Saya belajar lelaki perempuan ini ada persamaan, dua-dua ada ego. Saya belajar kita kena atasi ego sebab ego yang menyebabkan perkahwinan kita terumbang-ambing. Dua-dua kena turunkan ego dia. Kalau ada perkara yang saya tak suka dia buat, saya kena banyak belajar bersabar. Sekarang banyak perubahan dari situ. Dari sudut belajar pun, pelajaran saya terganggu sebelum kahwin. Selepas kahwin, saya tak perlu fikir dah benda tu. Belajar pun mudah dan tidak banyak halangan. Manage masa supaya lebih bermanfaat, jangan bazir masa. Saya lihat kawan-kawan ni banyak suka main games. Nasib saya bukan jenis ketagih games, jadi banyak masa boleh dimanfaatkan di situ. Alhamdulillah, banyak perkara positif berbanding perkara negatif.  

MOD: Apakah pandangan madam terhadap anak perempuan yang ingin berkahwin awal tetapi ada tentangan dari ibu bapa mereka?

I think most parents, especially mothers want their daughters to get married as soon as possible. When they met the criteria of a financially stable and religious men. I don’t think so this will happen. If you need a bit longer to convince your parents, then why not? Wait a bit longer. And you should mee your family’s son-in-law. I don’t have an experience getting married at young age because I’d married after studying, getting a child and getting back to study again. I don’t have financial problem because my husband is already working.

You have to be responsible and you have to ask yourself, why you want to get married? You have to do background check, you have to ask your friends. Can we afford to have a house? Should we live in a separate mahallah. Now there are ways to prevent pregnancy. And lastly, you need to know want the couples want and to make it work. 

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Moderator: Bro Luqman Suharni

Panelist: Sis Adilah & Bro Anwar

Sesi: Sembang Santai Sciencess, Edisi Rabu, 25th November 2015

Program: Wackos Lounge, KOS

Aku Pecinta Wanita

"AKU PENCINTA WANITA"
Date : 2 November 2015
Time : 1PM - 2PM
Venue : Wackos Lounge

Panelist: Madam Mahani & Bro Haiz Sokhini

Moderator: Sis Shafaw

Q1: Rasulullah sangat menyayangi kaum wanita. Mutiara dalam agama adalah wanita. Boleh Madam kupas dengan lebih lanjut tentang kedudukan wanita dalam Islam? – Madam Mahani

My first impression about the topic itself, “Aku Pecinta Wanita” is what? Am I going to talk about lesbian or feminism? I never thought about Ha’iz will be there as well. That was my first expression. When I saw Ha’iz (in the poster) and I said, “Owh… she’s talking about Ha’iz!” So it make sense for “Aku Pecinta Wanita” because he is a man. Thank God he’s a man! *laugh

When we talk about prophet in “Aku Pecinta Wanita”. We already knew that he was the most perfect sinless being. Maksum. So he should be taken as a role model when we want to do anything in this life. Don’t take others, such as batman, cicak-man, beruang-man, or kluang-man or whatsever. We have prophet to begin with! So especially when it comes to love and marriage, and what not. The prophet was good in everything. Since today the topic is “Aku Pecinta Wanita”, so we would focus on how prophet deal with women. Particularly with his wives.

Before that, at least we should try to know who are the wives? And I even do not know except for Khadijah and Aisyah. So if not because of this topic, I would not read about it either. So maybe we can share who are the wives? Who knows the twelve women, who used to be married to the prophet? Nobody right? So I can tell you who they are.

Okay, the first one of course. Khadijah binti Al-Khuwailid. And then Saodah Zama’ah, and then we have Aisyah Abu Bakr, Hafsah Omar, Zainab Khuzaimah, Ummu Salamah or Hind Uthbah, (in Malay we say Hindun), and Zainab binti Jahsy, Juwairiyah al Harith, Safiyyah Huyayy, Ummu Habibah Ramlah, Maria Syaman, and Maimunah al Harith. How many of you know all these? So he married to twelve women, I guess not the same time. So don’t get excited brothers, you cannot married twelve, you can only married four. BUT, I tell you married one wife is a headache enough! Don’t even imagine that you would have two, three or four. If you can find ONE! Then you can move on to the next, the next, and the next right…

Since we’re talking about “Aku Pecinta Wanita”, a prophet. So it is a good lesson for all of you men! Would like to be married someday insyaAllah. The prophet is so busy being everything in the world, he still have time for women. In fact, he spoke if I am not mistaken, correct me if I am wrong, he likes three things in life. Number one is solat, number two is women, and number three is perfume. I am not an ustazah, some of you is hafiz and hafizah. Correct me if I am wrong. I am a secular person! I do not know much about religion, except that I am learning. I’ve stumble upon himself so called an ex-muslim. He was belittering prophet, the fact that prophet loves women, food, perfume. There was no mentioning about food! In fact, the prophet never eat twice in a row with full stomach! How can he describe that he the prophet loves food?

Anyway, the prophet was very sensitive towards the feeling of women. He used to tell Aisyah, he said, “I know when you are mad at me, I know when you’re pleased with me.” So when Aisyah was very mad, she would say something like, “By the God of Ibrahim” but when she was pleased with something, she would say something, “By the God of Muhammad”. He was so sensitive towards the feeling of women, he could even tell that. So how many of husband today? Know the feeling of the wives? I guess you guys do not know because you are not married, so make sure you guys will have the sensitivity to know your wife, or your wives….And prophet knows how to stand the jealousy of women. Women by nature are very jealous. I do not know whether these girls are very jealous. Are you jealous girls? I am quite jealous, but I don’t show it. But I am jealous. 

And there’s a time where Ummu Salamah brought a dish to the companions. Aisyah saw that and she was very jealous that she broke the container. Prophet knows that women are jealous, so he took it and eat it, and brought some to the friends/companions. This is the jealousy of women, so make nothing out of it! Women don’t be too jealous, and men should understand the jealousy of women. He also understood the nature of women, because by nature the women are made of most crooked of the the rib right? If you try to straighten the rib in a haze manner, it will break! And if you leave like that, the women will remain crooked until she dies. So as a husband, you should learn that you should teach your wife, or advice, or love your wife, try to advice her in the best manner possible. Don’t be too harsh and don’t be too loose like you don’t care about your wife. And if they go out, doing sinful things, and then you say, “Owh, it’s okay and then it is 2000 now. Nobody really cares, the women have the right. No!” You should advice your wife. He also demonstrated love and royalty. Love of course to Aisyah, because he really loves Aisyah even he declared the facts that he really loves Aisyah. He was very loyal to Khadijah. He was married for twenty-five years, he was monogamous. He was not practised polygamy until Khadijah was dead. So if you guys ever think about polygamy. Wait until your first wife dies! Don’t you dare, until there is some reasons that you cannot avoid. When your wife is sick, and cannot do anything anymore. Then you can have second wife. Don’t have a second wife because you say that men can do so. Be loyal to your first wife, if you really want to follow the sunnah. Don’t say that you’re not following the sunnah, but you’re not really following. Don’t marry your wife, you have your children and you just leave, have another one, then you have children then you leave.  

He was also so very romantic. If you want to have a role model of a romantic man, you have to take the prophet. Not Brat Pitt, or Cluney, none of those. Aisyah narrated hadith said, “when she have a drink from a cup, prophet will drink from the same place where she puts her lip.” For now, I guess boyfriend and girlfriend, they share straws but when they get married, they even don’t want to share a kettle. They even have their own kettle. You have your own pot, I have my own pot, so don’t touch it! That’s terrible. So follow the prophet. Aisyah have a piece of meat, so Aisyah bite the meat, then the prophet put his lip where Aisyah bite the meat also. So that’s how romantic the prophet is. What else? So he also played. He ran along with his wives. Once you’re married, don’t be shy to hold your wife’s hand. Don’t hold her hand when you’re mingling. Might as well hold ‘babi’ is better. Touch the pig, is better than holding the girlfriend’s hand. Isn’t it?

In Malaysia, when you do this to your wife, people will look at you. “Hey, funny!” They expect for you to do that when you’re coupling. Isn’t it sad? And you have to treat your wife fairly even when you’re angry at her. And you have to think of something good. There must be something good about the person. Then why would you marry her in the first place? Then after five years of marriage, after you saw all bad things about the woman. When we go to the conference, what they asked us Ha’iz? “What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 25 kgs?” Just because she become so fat than you do not love her anymore! So even you’re mad at your wife, make sure you think something good about her. Otherwise, you’re wrong about her, because you’re marrying the wrong person. Give presents to your wife, or to your wife’s friends. I’ve a few more but we have to stop. Thank you very much.

Q2: The problem with our society today. Women that wear tudung, but their not covering their aurah properly. How’s your comment? – Bro Haiz

Terima kasih kepada sis moderator. Saya sebenarnya tak layak bercakap depan ni. Sebab memang tak ustaz pun. But I will not be munafiq, I will be honest as a man. As a college student that honestly, we men, suka tengok perempuan tak pakai tudung. We need to respect women, treat them as queen, but of course, you can advise us to lower the gaze and all, but we still have the desire to see it. Right? Ada golongan lelaki yang baik-baik. There are men community when they avert their eyes when they see women. But in reality, bila kita tengok kat kedai mamak. Bila awek datang, tengok kepala lelaki. Even if you don’t want as men, you would eventually do as circumstance. In UIA, alhamdulillah we have so called ‘biah solehah’. Sisters di sini menutup aurat. Realiti kita duduk dalam TV Al Hijrah, belum keluar tengok tv3, astro dan semua kan. When you go to work, so you would eventually see this.

To emphasize, I followed Emma Maembong. When she starts to wear tudung, I unfollowed her. Sorry, I think some people might shine my opinion. So I will talk in seriousness pasal menutup aurat ni. Even there’s a women wear tudung, with tight clothes, but we have to understand that it might be her first step to cover her aurah. Maybe before this she’s wearing shorts, not wearing scarf, so you have to acknowledge that is her first trial. For all of women here, alhamdulillah everyone are covering well. When you see the girl just started off, you shouldn’t bashed her. I would also not saying loose, of course you have to cover your aurah from head to toe. The truth thing of course, you have to cover up because you’re a Muslim. For me, queen titled only for my mom. 

Q3: Feminism seperti Sisters in Islam. Mereka banyak tuntut pelbagai hak yang tidak layak bagi mereka. Apakah itu Feminisme? – Madam Mahani

Feminism is a range of movements, or ideologies share a common goal. So what is a common goal? Actually a common goal is to established an equal political, economical, cultural and social rights of women. So original idea of feminism is great, is noble. So but somehow along the way, it loses the focus. We would discuss about the three main phases of feminism. First one in 1800, I think in earliest 20^th century something like that. At that time, the concern of women is just something like having the right to vote! They’re going to vote men, but in that time it was important to vote! For truth, I will reach 54 years old soon and I have voted once in my life so far. Don’t follow me of course, that’s not good. You must vote!

Second phase, associate more with social and cultural equalities. After they have political right to vote, they want to have the cultural and social part of it.  They want to have as equal as men. So any symbol of men oppression women, such as wearing gurdle, wearing bra even wearing makeup, so they will throw away all things that symbolises oppression by men. So they went braless. It was during 1960’s. We don’t want to do it girls. The second waves, they stated that they do not want women to be an object! Because you supposed to portray your brain rather than your body. That was their second movement which that is also what Islam teaches us! Especially we’re not a sex object. So people don’t look at your body, they look at your mind also.

The third wave was the continuation of the second wave. They were not happy with what happen on the second wave. It is okay to use our body to gain whatever we want to gain. It is okay to wear push up bras, and we can still have our brain at the same time. That’s what happen to people like Beyonce, Shei Low, they say it is a symbol to empower women. “It is our body, come on girl! You can do whatever you like. Show it girls!” And men are looking for it. So Allah made us to wear hijab for our protection! Not to oppress us. Do you feel oppressed people? When you wearing your hijab? We are trying to cover our aurah right? Not to wrap our body. But still some women still supports the second wave, which to use the brain rather than to show off your body to attract men something like that!

On internet, there is a site where women against feminism. There is a facebook, “Women voice against feminism of its toxic culture”. They say that women don’t need feminism because there is not really a problem actually. So people are really confused. If we are not back to Islam, we are never going to be satisfied until the doomsday. Allah knows His creation, so He sends us the manual. If we do not follow the manual, at the end, we are going to spoil the machine. Right? We are the machine. We are going to destroy ourselves.

Especially due to some weakness of Muslim men. Listen up Muslim men! You are giving the wrong impression to the women. Not people in this room maybe, as you’re angels. *laugh Perharps the ustaz didn’t brief them correctly such as Sisters in Islam, they’re attacking Islam rather than the Muslim men. We should attack the Muslim men, not Islam. Men are not perfect, they’re human. In my point of view, Sisters in Islam is good if they lift the status of women but we do not need it because Islam already uplift the status of women. Prophet was sent to human, as a rahmat to the whole world! Because women in Europe were having the dark ages of Europe, coincide with the highest status of women in Islam. I have misconceptions that we were all having dark ages during that time, but eventually one the Europe having dark ages. That’s how bad secularism teaches us. I think we should educate men, and ustaz to teach back the truth regarding the right of women. Such as Irsyad Manji, and Marina Mahathir, they are attacking Islam. Islam is not fair because of the faraid system. Men get more, and we get less. Men get more but have to spend a lot more, but we get less and we get the whole thing! So Islam is fair. So many people do not know that. We need to learn about Islam, and not following the West teaching back in the dark ages. We have examples to follow. For men, we have prophets. For women, we have Khadijah, Aisyah and what not. Thank you.

Q4: As we reach 20s, we start to think about relationship goal. Apa pandangan Bro Haiz terhadap sikap anak muda masih belajar, tetapi sibuk mencari cinta? – Bro Haiz.

I would like to quote this in so many times. Ada tiga benda yang menjatuhkan negara iaitu, rasuah, tidak menepati masa, dan yang ketiga adalah ‘cingge’. Cingge tu awek atau perempuan. Zaman Islam dulu kalau nak pilih tentera, dia tengok kalau malam-malam menangis sebab perempuan alamat lingkup tentera tu. Kalau malam menangis sebab dosa-dosa dia, baru boleh menang pasukan tentera tu. First, kill those feelings. Do not lie to yourself. I will give you the anatomy of a guy approaches a girl. During first met, you would not eventually lose the battle. It will go slowly until you do not know where you are. It starts with a meeting with your group discussion. You enjoyed it. And you usually exchange your assignments at midnight. If you’re thinking you can outsmart syaitan! Who are you to think? You will lose this fight. On the girl side, she will start think about your sense of responsibility and kindness. Their imam! InsyaAllah Allah will give you more protection. I believe it is true. Everyone will gone through this in university. You will start texting, or having signals. Some of you might have the wrong signal, some having the right signal. Then you start hanging out together. When in UIA, you’re kind of trying to justify all of your actions by comparing to your friends’ mingling from other universities. You should be aware of this. Just beware guys!

To clean up all those leaks, you decided to get married. Perharps in future, you will meet other woman. You’ve been unjust to your future wife. If you have feelings to a particular girl, you have to amputate those feelings. Matikanlah benda tu. Ini kata-kata Umair Sulaiman. Amputate your feelings before it grows like a cancer in your heart, just stop! Stop talking to her, minimise contact and everything. You would know actually when you’re ready. You know when you’re ready. You can’t outsmart syaitan. 

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Moderator: Sis Shafiqa Shafawi

Panelist: Madam Mahani | Bro Haiz Sokhini

Documentation: Sis Najihah

Camera man: Bro Nu'man

Sesi: Sembang Santai Sciencess, Thursday, 1-2 pm, 5 March 2014

Program: Wackos Lounge, KOS

Special editor by  Otranscribe.com